I’m trying to sleep, but the voices in my head are too loud, and I’m remembering all these things that I’ve done. So I turn to my side and face the wall, and I breathe slowly. I close my eyes, open them, and close them once more. I see his face now, you know, the boy I told you about. Now I know I won’t be able to sleep. I suppose this is why people are insomniacs; the voices won’t go away, the memories keep coming back, and the people haunt them in the dark. I turn the lights on, sit on the edge of my bed and cry. Just a little bit, just to make it easier to breathe. I turn the lights off and try to sleep again. It’s going to be a long night.

Can you blame me for romanticizing every little thing? I lack the love most people receive. I barely get it with my own family, how do you expect me to notice it with other people? I yearn that one day I can feel this heart jump out of my chest, because that’s when I will truly believe the feelings I have for someone are genuine, and not based on imagination alone. When you’re the type of person that’s in love with being in love, you think meeting someone that makes your heart beat for the first time is genuine love. No, it’s not. And I always get the two mixed up. That’s why, as hard as it may be, I want to find out the kind of breathtaking moment of falling for someone without doubting the fall too much. 

Funny how I noticed him staring at me from a distance. I pretended to read Memoirs of a Geisha, and took a sip of my cup. But I could still feel his gaze not leaving the corner of my eye. Curiosity consumed me, of course, and I grew aware of his eyes not leaving the corner of mine. I fiddled and moved around my seat, not making it too obvious that I knew he was looking straight at me. Three stops away from 14th street, I glanced just a little bit to see if he was still there. He was. His eyes. Mine. Locked. And it felt as though we were talking to each other without the words. Or the movement of our lips involved. It was like the silence itself as his eyes met mine formed some secret only we both shared. 5 seconds, I didn’t move. I thought he’d at least feel embarrassed and look away, but no. He held his gaze, and stubborn as I was, I held mine. And just when I was about to give up knowing how uncomfortable it is staring into some stranger’s eyes, he smiled. It was my stop. 

Since you’re reading this now, here’s your post LC. 

LOVE’S A STRONG WORD. So I’m not going to say I love you. But I will say you’re not a hard person to like. Nice job on those badminton skills too, you got those ladies falling to your feet hah.  Sorry for dying on you multiple times before, it’s completely unintentional. I’m just that awful of a person when you think about it. Actually, there’s a couple of things I’m grateful about. Thanks for that one time you bought me coffee, and insisted I don’t pay you back. And when you randomly decided to have someone leave flowers at my doorstep just because I was having a stressful day. It was surprisingly sweet of you to do that, even though you had no reason to. Everytime we talk, you always give me more credit than I deserve. I don’t. I don’t think I’m as good as you think I am. But thank you, anyway. We barely know each other, but I’ve told you things even I haven’t shared to anyone else before, and I guess that counts for something. hahaha have a good night. You’re a dork for insisting I make this post for you.